Another Week Goes By

Here is my Quickie update for this week.

I managed to lose 0.8 pounds, even after a big loss last week. Woot!

My exercise was on track last week-I did 3 strength training sessions and 3 cardio. I'm going to shake it up this week and drop the cardio and just do two Slow Burn strength sessions. I did the first today, and will do the other on Thursday. It was tough! Especially the push ups, I was shaking-couldn't even make it all the way down. I probably need to fine tune the kilos a bit on some of the other exercises, though.

Yesterday I really struggled with binge urges. We went to one of our favorite specialty food stores to get some onions and this awesome goats milk yogurt from France. I spied a bag of cookies and have been fantasizing about "tearing into" them ever since. I've had the whole devil/angel sitting on my shoulders scenario discussing why I should and shouldn't do it. So far, "undoing all my hard work" is winning out.

Emotionally, I've felt like I'm on a rollercoaster, but mostly in the rut (or the low part). My hubby had his initial bonus talk on Thursday. While company wide bonus' are down 70% from last year, his is expected to be down only 45%. My initial reaction to this was disappointment, because we are only staying in Sweden to "get paid". My hubby's total compensation has historically been 75% in bonus (ie, his bonus is usually 3 times his annual salary), so 55% less is a big hit. I do realize that the economy sucks, and financial markets are in the toilet for the most part...it just made me feel like we'd be "stuck" here longer. His reaction to this was saying something along the lines of "well, you've decided we won't be stuck here, regardless of what we're paid." This made me feel like he thinks it's entirely my decision, and that he may want to stay here more than he's letting on. He denied that last part...but I was still left with an uneasy feeling. Then, last night, we had a bit of a tiff. I had a Le Creuset pot soaking in the sink. It was mostly clean, as I'd only reduced some chicken stock in it. He finished off a jar of sun dried tomatoes, and dumped the dregs and oil down the sink, leaving tomato pieces stuck in the drain, and an oil slick on both my pot and sink. He said, "I'll clean it if you decide it's my responsibility. I think it is my responsibility." This upset me because he could have just said, "Oh, sorry, let me clean that up." Instead, he put it on me. No matter how much we talked about this, he could not comprehend why I felt like he put it on me.

This morning I told him that part of the reason I was upset this weekend, was because whenever I express my feelings to him, he makes me feel like he judges my feelings, marks them as "unreasonable" and dismisses me. I think I'll have a lot to talk to my therapist about on Wednesday.

Thanks for 'listening' to my little vent.