Superiority Complex as it applies to me

Ack, I had some frustration with quoting, so I'm starting a new post.

So, parts, but not all of that definition apply to me:

1. Feeling social rejection, mostly because of my weight.
2. Projecting feelings onto others, labeling things as "beneath me"
3. Exaggerated positive attitude of my worth, intelligence and abilities.
4. Unrealistically high goals for myself, and others.
5. Snobbishness.
6. Discrediting others opinions.
7. Social aloofness.
8. Isolation

Now, that is not such a nice list of character traits, is it? During therapy, we've talked a great deal about my aloofness. I'll describe it as a place to float, detached and above everything. Where I'm safe, and others can't touch me. I wonder if that makes any sense?

After a little more googling, it seems that the way to deal with it is to remove the underlying inferiority complex. I read that someone with an inferiority complex has an inner dialogue of something like, "Hey, you know you are different, you know that you lack something, even if you are successful you are still not like them.” Whereas, I'm whispering to myself, "you know you are different, you are better/more capable/more privileged/smarter/more resourceful/etc" Now, I was definitely raised to think we were different and better than average. And, I'm not entirely convinced that is all wrong--partially, yes, but not entirely.

So, how do I get over feelings of inferiority? Somehow my weight/food problem is tied into this, and one would think if I lost the weight, my feelings would diminish, but I really suspect its opposite. That I need to fix the feelings, and the weight will vanish. It's like I read the other day. (I'm sorry if I'm not giving due credit, but I read a bunch of blogs, and it's all a bit of a blur as to who said what where.) Someone asked if you ever wondered what it would be like to not have a weight/food issue at all, for your whole life. I truly believe it would have manifested some other way, like drugs or alcohol. And I really don't know which is worse. I've seen the ugly side of alcoholism in my father. And I've seen the ugly side of drugs on TV (not the same, I know). The problem with a food addiction, is you MUST eat to live, you can't just cut it out. That's what makes it so much more complicated. Anyhow, back to the inferiority. It's like a double edged sword. What is my root feeling of inferiority? I really think it was being called/labeled fat as a child. I was also labeled "the smart one" as having "oh, such a pretty face" etc, etc. But, why did I get those labels in the first place? It's surely more than my mother not allowing candy/junk food, right? I can remember sneaking and hiding food forever. I recall having to eat really fast at dinner before my younger twin brothers ate it all. (Not that there was ever a lack of food for real, though.)

What made me get fat in the first place??

That is the real question. And it's such a difficult one. Irregardless, how do we treat the inferiority/superiority complex?

• omit negative self talk: I have a horrible habit of negative self talk, and it is soooooo hard to stop it.
• realize I am not to blame for the foolishness of others: This is a tough one, because I also have problems with blaming others for my failures. For example, "Hubby pushed to eat pizza." So I caved because of peer pressure, not because of my lack of self control. See...there is that dichotomy between my feelings of low self esteem and aloofness.
• fix my corrupted self image: I think I have a way of NOT seeing my fat. I can go along for months and not feel fat, just continue eating. I need to get real with myself. I really should buy a full length mirror! It suggests walking past a group of people then asking yourself what you thought they thought about you. I would probably say they thought "typical fat American" of a group of Swedes. In the States, I feel much more self confident and comfortable, perhaps falsely? Is it because misery loves company, ie more fat people in the US? Nah, I see more fat people here...so I need to ponder this more. I really think I have an overly positive self image, and my fatness can go into my aloof stratosphere of "I shouldn't have to deal with it, so it doesn't exist."
• get rid of labels: I've labeled myself as "fat", "snobbish", "lazy" (because I must be lazy to have become fat), "better than them", "unable to ever get it exactly right" (I always seem to get it close, but not quite).
• install new beliefs: It suggest using hypnosis...
• building my self confidence: I definitely need to up my self-esteem level.

It seems I have been compensating for my inferiority by acting superior to others. It says that one of the biggest pitfalls of searching for the true reason for feeling inferior, is to associate the feelings with a current, external situation. Hello SWEDEN issues!

What you should know here is that the current situation have got nothing to do with feeling inferior, and if you were a balanced person you won't have felt inferior even if you didn't have anything compared to your peers. inferiority is an internal feeling, it comes internal sources and not external ones, fixing the inside is what should be done. Some people spend their lives collecting everything they can like money, authority and power, yet they still that their feelings are the same in spite of all what they have collected. Because simply they didn't deal with the root cause. on the other hand this may be useful, after all inferiority may not be that bad if it lead you to major achievements in your life as in the previous cases. A useful fact to know about inferiority is that there is something called a culture cringe where a whole society may feel inferior compared to another society like for example a third world country citizen who feels that his country is inferior to a first world country.

Well, I definitely think Sweden suffers from some of that "culture cringe" with Jantelagen, etc.

Reading on, it seems my brain may be automatically starting a comparison process. Most of the time comparing myself to something or someone of a lower social/economic class, and I feel confident and "better than them" It goes on to say that when I would compare myself to someone of higher social economic class, I'd begin to feel inferior, but this isn't so much the case. I think I tend to feel comfortable in these situations instead...Hence, I've spent much time and effort trying to surround myself with people of similar status/beliefs (political, ambitiousness, spirituality, philanthropy, etc) This has proven particularly difficult during our time in Sweden (4 1/2 years) because "my" type of people simply don't exist. The suggested solution is to teach myself to stop the comparisons, and to respect all types of people instead of just those that are like me.

Ta da!

As an end note, I also seem to have some Narcissistic tendencies:

• Striving for attention: Its not so much that I strive for it, but when I don't receive desired attention without asking for it I can feel depressed and unworthy.
• Exaggerating worth: I think this echos my feelings of superiority.
• Lacking empathy: I do feel empathetic, but I'm fairly stingy dealing it out.
• Fantasies of unlimited success: I definitely fall prey to this one, believing one day we will live a more luxurious lifestyle, with 2 homes, ample retirement/college fund, and so on.

So, perhaps I'm a mixture of narcissism and over-confidence. Most of these narcissistic traits are felt internally, and not so much expressed to my surrounding world. Regardless, it seems to be the result of a wound that needs healing. I've built a shield of narcissism, superiority and FAT around myself to protect myself and hide my insecurity. I need to find the courage to look beneath this shield and find my personal balance. I also need to remember to RETAIN the good parts...not everything listed here is bad for me, I just need to be able to tweak out the parts worth building upon.