HYC Update

I'm a bit amazed...as the scale has really moved for me this week! I realize that some of it is water, as I weighed last week just after a long haul flight, but still. I lost 8.8 pounds! Irregardless, I lost 6.2 pounds since my last weigh in before vacation on 3/6/08...so I'm really pleased! Someone please remind me of this when the scale stalls, or goes up, as I suspect it may tomorrow or the next day.






Exercise...not so great. I did do water aerobics three times a week while we were on vacation. It's better than nothing, but you only get out of it what you put in, and I have to admit that it was pretty easy to just float through it a bit...in a pool, staring out at the ocean, under sunny skies dotted with palm trees. I did get back on the exercise bike on Friday, and intended to this morning, but *EXCUSE WARNING* my husband snuck out of bed and went to work, so the alarm never went off and I slept until 7am (we changed our clocks this weekend). Then my son was up, and I just haven't done it today. I'll try to make up for it with some yard work. I also have this new Pilates DVD which I intend to do on Tuesdays and Thursdays, as a kick off to strength training.

Emotionally, it's hard to say how I'm doing. I feel like I'm in a really good place with food right now. I haven't been compelled to shovel loads down my mouth. I haven't been tempted to cheat. I did go off plan for a few days at the end of vacation, but despite eating some sugar/desserts and a little white flour stuff, I didn't feel out of control. And, I easily got back onto plan last Wednesday. Now, this is great, but I'm afraid it's coming at a cost...I just haven't been able to nail down what that cost is, yet. Maybe I'm more b!tchy, or irritable or easily frustrated. Maybe I lash out at my husband more. Maybe I have less patience with my son? It could be a small portion of all of those. I feel a little bit like "somethings got to give". Meaning that my loss of food as a comforter and tool to suppress feelings needs to be replaced with something else. So, I'm suspecting that before I've been able to identify this and attack it consciously, I've subconsciously behaved in other, not so desirable ways, to offset the loss. I hope that makes sense...

Something else I've noticed this week is that I can become extremely irritated with my husbands food intake and habits. I'm sure this ties into my food issues, but I'm not sure why or how. For instance, I feel like he often makes a pig of himself. Buffets over vacation were a good example of this. No one in my family is a particularly light eater...so everyone went up a few times. We were having a pre-birthday for my son, with a cake one night. Everyone was finished, so Mom asked them to bring the cake, and my husband goes back up and returns with a gigantic plate of prime rib, with all the fixings. This after just having gorged on seafood. Part of it is he likes to eat. Part of me things he likes to get his money's worth-despite it costing more on his waist/health/etc. Another example is around home. If my mother (or I) ask if he'd like some of xxxx(whatever food item) he always answers yes. If we give him a choice, he'd rather have both. It leaves me, and my mother has noticed it too, feeling like he's never satisfied, that I can never do enough for him, and that he doesn't appreciate the effort to make (and gather) food for him. Saturday we grilled a two pound piece of steak. I ate a slightly larger than normal (maybe two decks of cards) portion, and there's essentially only a small piece left. So, I had bought a large piece so we could have left over in a salad, or for my lunches. Friday night I made a lamb/eggplant/tomato casserole, which made four very large portions. Only a tiny portion was left. I feel like he's a giant vacuum, sucking up all the food!

Surely this relates to my own feelings of inadequacy and insecurity. I'm just not sure how. I'll need to bring this up in therapy next week.

This weeks plan is 2 Pilates work outs, 2 cardio sessions on the bike and continued good eating.