Feeling Like I'm Slipping

Today is a little better, so far, but most of this week I've been feeling like my "in control" mood has been slipping. I think it may be TOM coming up, and I really hope I'm not going back to bad habits. I know I can overcome it, but yesterday I had a really strong urge to eat a pan of brownies. Luckily, my house is clean, and there were no brownies to be had, or made.

I did get to my exercise goal for the week, although the Pilates work-outs were short. I've started with the easiest routine, which is only about 10 minutes long. My left knee really kills-I essentially cannot do the exercise where my left leg has to be in the air. I don't know if it's reversed gravity or what...I didn't have this problem when I was doing Pilates in 2002. Nor does it particularly bother me on the exercise bike or in general. I did bother me doing stairs when I was heavier...and it's the knee I had some problems with (blew it skiing and had a scope) in college. Anyhow, I'm hoping if I start slowly, my knee can get into the swing of it.

As an exercise in getting my mind back into the good place (highly motivated and focused), here are some pictures of goals and rewards I want to give myself.

Pants I want to wear next year in Florida (can't you just feel your bony hips in those pants?):

And a top (not to wear with the pants!):

Every morning when I wake up, I'm going to try to visualize my healthy body for a few minutes before I actually get out of bed. I did that this morning, and I think it helps to set my attitude for the day. This is really quite difficult for me to do, as I've never had a healthy, lean body as an adult. I can't remember what it's like...and I can't seem to set a number on the scale that will be "it", you know? I'll be happy to get to one-der-land, and reevaluate from there.

Something else that I've been wondering/concerned about is excess skin. Specifically, will I be plagued by this?! A quick bit of googling brought me to this page. Hopefully he is right, and I will be able to thwart excess skin by building muscle and losing the right way. That link is a good read for motivation, especially if you're young, or worried that you're loss is too slow. Slow is better! Yet, here I'm saying this after losing 8.8 pounds in one week...I'm fairly sure the scale was playing with me last weigh-in, as it's up a bit from there, and I was bloated from the long flight. Anyhow, this makes it seem like a longer journey to the end, but what I'm after is healthy and fit, not just a number on the scale or a size on my jeans.

After reading around that Body Fat Guide website, and his views against "unbalanced" diets, I'm wondering if I should switch things up a bit to include more fruits and whole grains. I guess I'm just scared to spin out of control with carbs. I don't know how many times I've said, and tried to do it, only ending up on a month long (or longer) binge. I know I managed OK over vacation, but I don't want to push my luck. Ugh, I hate that I just wrote that...and hate even more that my mind thinks these things. IT'S NOT ABOUT THE FOOD!! I know that, but I feel like until I get my issues sorted out and things really start to align for me, controlling the food will help keep me on the path to healthy.