In Therapy

So, last night in therapy, I talked about how I told my husband after last weeks session that I always feel like I'm at the bottom of his priority list. He immediately got defensive and said something to the effect that he feels completely opposite, and that he does many things for me, and that I don't acknowledge or give him credit (he didn't use those words...) for what he does do. It seems like he thinks the "credit" should pile up, and eventually his account will be full, if that makes any sense. For me, I keep hoping that he'll do something without my having to ask 5-5,000 times. Anyhow, I mentioned all this to my therapist, and he suggested I find out what I could do to show my husband that I appreciate what he does do. When I asked...the response was that he's not looking for credit, he wants me to be happy and satisfied with what he does. My interpretation of it was that he doesn't want to have to do anything more.

Then, at dinner, I told him that we did a little inventory, and I was trying to figure out how close I was to being "cured", ie, happy, letting go, content, acting like a normal person. With 10 being the worst, and 1 being "cured", I put myself at 4-5. When I asked my husband how he felt, he evaded the question by stating he thinks it's going extremely slowly. He asked me if I really "got in touch with deep emotions" He did hypnotherapy some years ago, and I think he feels like that is much more effective than traditional therapy. When I finally pried a number out of him, he said 6-7. And went on to tell me about how my lashing out is not really improving. I think it's much better...or at least much more controlled. Then, he used an example from Tuesday when I phoned him to ask where my shopping bags were. I always keep a bag of canvas shopping bags in the car for the grocery store. (they charge you $.75 per bag here if you need a paper or plastic bag from the store...which is ludicrous! Plus, canvas bags are better for the environment not to mention easier to carry.) I laid into him mildly on the phone, because he removed the bags from the car, didn't put them back and failed to tell me about it. And, to me, this just seemed like one more thing where he couldn't be bothered to care about how any of it might make my life more irritating than it already is. He basically thought my reaction was absurd and uncalled for, and that there was no need for me to CALL him and chew him out. He said I could have mentioned it over dinner in a friendly way. Sure...he's right I could have, but that doesn't change the fact that he made me feel like I intruded on his work/day/whatever by calling him on the phone. I'm already hesitant to call him at work, because it just makes me feel like I'm not important enough for him to take the time to talk to me or even just listen. And, when he does call me, it's always when he's in the elevator, waiting for a cab, or doing some other thing where he only has 3.5 seconds to talk or a bunch of distractions. Again, I don't even warrant 5 minutes of time for a proper phone call.

Ugh, I didn't mean for this to turn into a rant...and now I'm sitting here crying.

In other news, it's strawberry season here...so, I know I've been overdoing it with the berries. My excuse is straw-blue-raspberries are really the only fruit I enjoy, well maybe add peaches to that too, so I'm going to enjoy some while they're good...

I've done three cardio work outs this week, and am planning to do some Pilates shortly. The weather is cooler as of yesterday, and that makes it soooooo much easier for me to exercise. On today's schedule is also, vacuum, make roasted cauliflower soup and get as many chores done as possible so I can have a relaxed day with my son tomorrow. (he's at school today) I'm also verging on some sort of cold/sore throat, so I'm trying to fight that off.

The scale is up 3 &^%*(@^ pounds today because of chicken tikka and a tiny piece of naan bread last night. Why o why do restaurants insist on making their food so heavily laden with sodium??

I'm wishing you all an active and on-plan weekend!:-)