Feelings of Inadequacy

I just want to put this down...

I'm feeling really low right now, and have been fighting the urge to binge for a few days. I managed to get through the grocery store yesterday w/o buying anything bad. But, I've been eating blueberries and an occasional piece of w/w bread which isn't helping with the craving control. I think it's made worse by my husband being out of town and my son going off to school (he's home today, though). I'm a sneaky binger, that way...

Anyhow, something my therapist said the other night has been gnawing away at me, and it's finally gotten to me. I was complaining about my son's early wakings and he asked if Babe was active. I said yes...and he kept questioning me, "I mean does he go out everyday?" These people (swedes) make their children go outside to play regardless of the weather. Rain, out you go. Blizzard, out you go. My son doesn't go out in really crappy weather, but he does run around the house, and I think he's a typical, active, toddler. Anyhow, this little comment is now making me feel like his early wakings are my fault for me not running him hard enough.

Another thing he (my therapist) said was after I described an incident when I was on the computer doing something and my son smacked the screen with a toy. My therapist said, "I know you want to spend time on the dator (swedish for computer)...but..." My brain twists this into "Obviously, it's your fault for doing something on the computer while you should be focused on your child." Now, this is all compounded by the fact that my therapist knows how screwed up I am in these circumstances...

So, basically, I'm feeling like a big fat failure in many respects...and feel like I just want to beat myself up with food a little.