Monday Check-in

Yay, I lost 3.4 pounds this week! I'm out of the 240s and intend to stay there! I only exercised 3 times, but I was very on track otherwise!

I've just returned home from a hectic morning that began by forgetting my sons basket of stuff for school, so our commute took an extra hour. Then I went for a spa pedicure, and a therapy session that was probably one of the best yet. We covered a lot of ground, and things are still trying to solidify in my mind.

I talked about not giving 100% and how it made me feel disappointed in myself. I talked about my bad habit of twisting words (especially my husbands) into something negative about myself. I determined that I do this so that I can hurt myself first, before anyone else has the chance to. I also push people away, so that I am in control of it, and I'm not the one pushed away. I talked about how these bad habits (pushing people away, twisting words, over-eating, and picking my cuticles to name a few) feel like coping mechanisms to stave off vulnerability. When asked how long I've felt vulnerable, I answered that it felt like forever. I also felt responsible for not being able to conquer that feeling, despite telling myself, "it's not your fault. You didn't do anything" I still feel like it's my responsibility to overcome it. I had an memory of how my son, at 3 1/2, still wants me to "hold him like a teeny tiny baby" almost every day, and I love holding him that way. I felt like I just need to let go, and be vulnerable. To trust, especially in my husband. I had the feeling that it's just not worth it-keeping myself in this aloof bubble, isolated from everyone and everything.

I have no idea if that makes any sense to you, readers. But I feel like I've laid some bricks in rebuilding my foundation.

So....at the very least, I think I deserve a NSV! *<:-)



What the heck, let's have a two button party as I am ON PLAN too!